Distance makes the heart grow fonder… I don’t know if I believe it. I’ve always struggled with a relationship once it goes distant. I have had several friendships that through the course of life changes, or personality shifts, distance has created a separation. I find that through days of not talking, that then turns to weeks, and months; it almost makes the relationship so distant that you feel you don’t have a seat at the table anymore. This awkward encounter isn’t for lack of caring or a disinterest in the others live, its very much the opposite. This hole of separation that grows vaster each day is not from a place of detachment but a place of shame. The crippling idea that I am no longer good enough for that person. If I were good enough, I would have tried harder, stars would have seemingly aligned, we would have never gone distant in the first place.
Shame is a friend to Satan, and Satan wants all his friends to become so close to us that we forget who we used to be. Once the sin can convince you that you are unworthy of this relationship, that is when the thief has come to steal and kill and destroy.
What about Jesus?
What about Jesus?
There is no fondness with distance from Jesus. There is no strength in a long distance relationship from God. There is shame, there is guilt, there is lack of desire, but there is no strength and right now, I am living it.
I love the essence that spring brings. The heat of the first sunshine, the smell of the wildflowers, the blooms on a tree but for my family it is the busiest season of the year. April and May are scratched off, written down, marked off the calendar, we farm and we service farmers the entire two months. Its been 3 straight weeks since I have walked through those church doors and the affect is crippling my every nerve. Embarrassment from the judgement of others? Sure. The real itch that goes deep beyond shame is the lie that I can’t turn back to Jesus now that I’ve gone distant.
Distance from God does not make the heart grow fonder. I have wrestled in this distance and each passing day away from surrendered time with my Savior is a reminder of how broken I am. The shame seeps through the broken cracks and fills with a desire to run farther and farther away. I believe that the more distance you gain from God, the more traction that Satan gets on your life. My spirit is smart enough to know that I could open my bible or rest in moments of prayer, but my mind is weak enough to tell me it won’t make a difference.
Suddenly, with each passing day I feel more anxious, more angry, more sadness than the day before. All of the same chains from my past slowly become more apparent in my life and I wrestle. As I pause for a few minutes I realize that nothing tangible on this earth could affect my heart shift as much as distance from Jesus Christ. My heart shifts with every step I take away from my Father, who wants to take care of me with every dying breath He endured. My true joy and life breath is in each surrendered moment to Him. Without a wholly surrender, I am nothing but a wholly mess.
The more crucial moment in this realization that I need Christ more than life its very self is I am not alone in this. There is an epidemic of believers walking away from the body of Christ. My friends, my family, myself have allowed busyness or distractions or lack of desire take our attention off the cross. We have given into the world, into our phones, into the distractions that are all consuming and we have left Jesus behind.
In my distance from the church, my distance from time with Jesus, my distance from the body of believers, I have created a separation similar to the ones I’ve seen with friendships in the past. I feel awkward, ashamed, unworthy to have a seat at the table now that I’ve had distance but this is a manufactured lie from the thief of life. The thief comes to destroy, and he wants to destroy any truths in our Spirit. Truths that proclaim Jesus loves me, He welcomes me back with open arms, Jesus forgives me, He wants me. Join me, take one step back to the cross. Friend, I know the distance seems almost too far of a gap to reconcile but as soon as you turn around- the Father is there.
Today, I will take one step back into the direction of my Father and atlas, the moment I step to turn around, I’m already in His arms again.
