It’s been awhile since I have written anything actually longer than a paragraph. Have you ever had a dream for yourself but have wrestled with the process? Me too. I have always loved to write, I guess more like ramble, there just always seems to be something worth saying. I was in high school right after Facebook got really big but just before Instagram made its fame. I began to post my little paragraphs about my faith and thoughts on these platforms.
I had dreams of someone noticing and maybe wanting me to speak at an event or write a devotional. I mean it was constantly on my mind, how many likes did I get? Do I have any nice comments? I became consumed with the effect rather than the cause. This followed me into college, same dream, same toxic loss of identity on these platforms. I finally burnt out. Have you ever thanked God for your burnouts? There is so much beauty in the burn out. It’s a space for regrowth and new sense of purpose in the mundane of life. There you will be, feeling thoughtless and rung out, and God will be lighting a new flame.
So I stopped writing, I deleted my blog, I intentionally tried to singe what began to fuel my fire of writing online, approval. Just like what God does through the beauty of the burnt out, He was doing through me. I found myself still loving to write, still meditating on what God was showing me on this earth but I finally stopped doing it for you.
I have found that the real beauty in the intentional gifts that God has given me is not to use them for my glory, for my intentions, but for His. Once I surrender my desires and dreams to the God who made them, all I have to do is listen. I write because I have something to say, I write because God has given me the desire, but I don’t write for you anymore. I mean that in the kindest way possible.
I hope you are encouraged in this. I hope that the dreams you have let burn you out can be enlightened once again. In 1 Peter 4:10 and also Romans 12:6-8 the scriptures talk about using God’s gifts that He gave us individually to highlight His kingdom. First, you must recognize you have the gift. I believe that somewhere deep down inside of you, you know there is a calling, a dream that you have held onto, that will highlight God’s kingdom in the right realm. Notice first, it must be in the right realm, if I would stay consumed in the approval and likes of others, there would be no room for God’s glory because I would be so consumed in my own.
If you have burnt yourself out, or you’ve never even tried, surrender it to the Father who made you. You have a gift of God’s spirit, and that’s a sure thing. There will be seasons to shepherd it, to rest it, to illuminate it, but be confident of this, it is a gift between you and God. Remember that you are made with incredible design and thought, there is not a miniscule hope in your mind that He hasn’t laid in front of you. Look to Him first, take your dreams to the Father, rest in His ability and know you’re in good company.
Hi there, my name is Audrey Jean! I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, a farmer, a farmhand, a wannabe photographer, and a seed salesman. I also love to talk about God and experiencing Him in everyday life. I am learning as I go and hopefully recognizing God’s goodness every step of the way.
